I'm not sure what the statement “not true” refers to. Do you disagree with my post, color_chart's comments, or my reply to the comments. Please help me understand your perspective.

When I write and teach on performance management concepts, I make the point that “feel good” comments don't really help, and that positive comments should be directed at noticing specific behaviors that benefit the team or organization. In other words, constant “atta-boys” and “good jobs” that people issue without thought actually hurt more than they help if they are not directed at specific behaviors.

Focusing on specific behaviors also avoids the jealousy issue. If you consistently notice the good behaviors of everyone on the team, few people will get jealous when you notice someone else. I agree that leaders really need to watch out for slipping in to favoritism with this concept.

In the context of this post, I wasn't really addressing performance management so much as I was attempting to point to the value of encouragement as a means for building relationships that will withstand a conflict. My general observation is that most people (including me) find it easier to point out what is wrong than to notice what is right. I find that I have to work doubly hard to notice and comment on good behaviors so that I build relational capital with people. This relational capital protects our relationship in those times when I have to make a corrective or negative comment.

While the need for relational captial counts in performance management, it is particularly important in conflict resolution situations. If I do not have a history of encouraging people when things are going well, they usually don't listen to me when we disagree. I have to work to build the relationship in non-conflict interactions so that we can resolve the inevitable conflicts that come up as we work together. A history of encouragement can take the “you never notice anything I do right” comment out of the equation.

In case you're interested, here are two other related articles that describe my thinking on this concept a little more fully:
http://www.principledriven.com/may_2005.htm
http://www.principledriven.com/April_2006.htm

Thanks again for your comment. You have helped me (I hope) to communicate my point even more clearly. Interaction with readers really helps me to get better. I appreciate the time you took to share your thoughts.

Thanks for the feedback.

I keep working to remember the idea when the pressure hits. The times I apply it the best are the times that I get the best response from others. I hope this really does help you grow as a leader.

Please keep me posted on how this idea impacts your leadership impact.