I think I’ll commit for at least one week to ask other people’s perspective more and to state mine less.

     For several years, I have attempted to live up to this commitment. In the last eleven days, I have made a more conscious and concerted effort to ask first and speak second. Here’s what I have noticed:

• Even after years of “practice,” I still find this concept difficult to apply in everyday life. It takes thought. It takes effort. It takes work.
• When I focus on understanding other people’s perspectives before offering mine, I generally get a better response. I get less “push back” and frustration from them. They are more willing to listen to what I have to say.

     Even with a short-term, focused effort, I have still not used this concept in every interaction. I have gotten wrapped-up in myself on a few occasions. I have spoken first in others. Still, I have done a better job because of the commitment I made both to myself and to you.

     I commit to continue towards the goal of seeking first to understand and then to being understood. What about you? What will you continue doing towards the goal of better, stronger, more resilient relationships? What will you do to move towards resolving conflict and away from escalating conflict in your team or family?

     Guy Harris, The Recovering Engineer