Posts Tagged ‘conflict resolution’

• miss important information in the other person’s perspective
• push for my perspective rather than listen to the other person
• focus my thinking on a single solution rather than consider alternative solutions
• ignore the other person’s thoughts and feelings

      In short, when I rush, I get selfish.

      When I slow down, I:

• learn from the other person
• listen better
• open my mind to multiple solution paths
• remain sensitive to the other person

      Even though the first approach tends to have a faster conversational pace and often feels faster in the moment, it actually slows us down because it creates new conflicts and side issues that drag out the conversation or hurt our future interactions. Going fast in conflict resolution is actually slow.

      The second approach feels slow because it involves periods of silence, reflection, and carefully crafted conversation. However, it creates an environment where both parties really understand each other. Slowing down heads off future misunderstandings and conflicts. Going slow in the moment is fast in the long run.

      To remember how to slow down in the moment, I focus on giving a SOLID response:

• Stop
• Observe
• Listen
• Interpret
• Deliver

     Studies of workplace behaviors reveal some startling statistics with regard to the impact that conflict has on business performance. One study indicates that two out of three employee performance problems can be traced to unresolved interpersonal conflicts. Another study estimates that the average manager spends something like forty percent of their time addressing workplace conflicts.
     These studies show that companies waste an amazing amount of time because of conflicts between employees. This wasted time translates to lost opportunity, lost productivity, and lost profits. By working to reduce workplace conflicts to the lowest possible level, business leaders can make immediate strides towards improving overall performance and results.

     Here are four specific things that leaders can do to reduce team conflicts:

1. Remove resource constraints

In a quick web search using the term “conflict over resource constraints,” I received nearly 300,000 results. As I looked at page after page, I saw everything from legal disputes over water rights to wars over contested mineral rights. On a global scale, people have always, and still do, argue and fight when they perceive resource limitations.

Is the same true on a smaller scale workplace scenario? I think it is. I have seen conflicts over staplers, copier use, computer access, and room temperature. While some of these issues seem minor, consider the implications. People arguing over access to a computer are not working. Two people engaged in a 15 minute discussion about getting the use of resources critical for their job performance just wasted 30 minutes between them. Multiply that waste over several weeks or months, and the impact on productivity and profits completely overwhelms the cost of a new computer.

When people sense that they do not have the right resources to do their job, they will either stop working or fight with each other. Both results hurt the business.

2. Teach and encourage better communication skills

Helping people to develop better communication skills can make your business more profitable as your employees learn to express their thoughts and feelings in ways that resolve conflicts rather than escalate them.

3. Teach conflict resolution skills

4. Get rid of team members who refuse to cooperate

While I prefer to focus on removing the environmental causes of conflict and helping people develop the skills necessary to head it off or resolve it, I also recognize that sometimes people simply do not have the desire to develop these skills. In these cases, they become a burden to the team, and leaders must relieve their team’s burdens in order for the team to move forward productively. As I learned in the Navy, getting rid of an anchor is often more effective than putting more power into the engine.

     In these troubled economic times, I know of few businesses that can afford to allow the time wasted on conflict to continue unabated. To survive and thrive in today’s high stress business environment, I encourage you to take the steps necessary to implement the. . .

    Four Things Leaders Can Do To Reduce Team Conflicts.

     
     Guy Harris, The Recovering Engineer

     The inspiration for this post comes from a book about Abraham Lincoln. Many years and probably more than 100 books later, I have long since forgotten which book gave me this thought. So, with apologies to the writer who penned words to this effect, let me share a lesson we can learn from the sixteenth president of the United States.   

     Much of Lincoln’s strength as a leader came from his ability to be righteous without becoming self-righteous.    

     Just to be clear, here are the definitions of the two words as listed at Dictionary.com:

righteous

1. characterized by uprightness or morality: a righteous observance of the law. 
2. morally right or justifiable: righteous indignation. 
3. acting in an upright, moral way; virtuous: a righteous and godly person.
 

self-righteous

1. confident of one’s own righteousness, esp. when smugly moralistic and intolerant of the opinions and behavior of others.

     Lincoln seemed to have the ability to move and act in righteous (morally right ways) without becoming self-righteous (smugly moralistic and intolerant). He showed his capacity for maintaining this balance in an address he gave during the famous Lincoln-Douglas debates.

     As he addressed the crowd in Peoria on October 16, 1854 he said:

I hate [the spread of slavery] because of the monstrous injustice of slavery itself. I hate it because it deprives our republican example of its just influence in the world—enables the enemies of free institutions, with plausibility, to taunt us as hypocrites—causes the real friends of freedom to doubt our sincerity, and especially because it forces so many really good men amongst ourselves into an open war with the very fundamental principles of civil liberty—criticising the Declaration of Independence, and insisting that there is no right principle of action but self-interest.

Before proceeding, let me say I think I have no prejudice against the Southern people. They are just what we would be in their situation. If slavery did not now exist amongst them, they would not introduce it. If it did now exist amongst us, we should not instantly give it up. This I believe of the masses north and south. Doubtless there are individuals, on both sides, who would not hold slaves under any circumstances; and others who would gladly introduce slavery anew, if it were out of existence. We know that some southern men do free their slaves, go north, and become tip-top abolitionists; while some northern ones go south, and become most cruel slave-masters.

     Notice his ability to call out the immoral spread of slavery without simultaneously criticizing the people who wanted to spread it. He managed to condemn the behavior without condemning the people involved.

     In the day-to-day miscommunications and conflicts that arise as we work with other people, we can seldom claim a position as morally clear as Lincoln’s stand against slavery. Yet, many of us stake out morally “right” positions and then condemn people who might simply misunderstand us or disagree with us.

     As you confront conflict situations, you will likely have to confront truly bad behaviors from time to time. Normally, there are shades of gray as you work to resolve workplace and family conflicts. Even when the situation has clear right and wrong perspectives, remember Lincoln’s example and learn to act in a righteous (morally right) way without becoming self-righteous (smugly moralistic and intolerant).

     Guy Harris, The Recovering Engineer

“righteous.” Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 06 Nov. 2008. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/righteous

“self-righteous.” Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 06 Nov. 2008. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/self-righteous

     I received this notification while I was on the road, and I just got the chance to check it out. This looks like a pretty good resource. If you have feedback for me on how you use it, that would be great as well.

     Previously, I posted an entry about a challenge for Conflict Resolution Day.  This post is a follow-up on my progress towards applying this commitment: 

     This is a modification of a previous post:

     I nearly missed it. If I didn’t have online friends, I guess I would miss lots of things. Anyway, today is Conflict Resolution Day. I owe my learning of this event to Tammy Lenski at Conflict Zen in her posting titled Honoring conflict resolution day: what 1 thing will you do? .    

     Here’s Tammy’s challenge:

     Have you ever been caught off-guard by someone else’s words or actions? I have. Have you ever interrupted someone to correct them during a conflict situation only to discover that you were the one who made the mistake? I have. Have you ever responded so quickly to another person’s comment that you did not stop to think if you heard correctly? Well, I have done that as well.    

     We are all human. Many of us speak first and think second when we feel cornered, pressured, or otherwise threatened. This response is both normal and natural. Unfortunately, it is not always useful or necessary. 

     In working with my clients, my colleagues and my family on the issue of effectively resolving conflict, I consistently hear one frustration. People in Indiana have it. People in Georgia have it. People in Canada have it. People in Australia have it. My clients have it. My colleagues have it. My friends have it. My family has it. In fact, I have it. “It” is the difficulty of remembering how to proceed calmly when a conflict situation catches us unaware.

      If we have the opportunity to plan for or anticipate a conflict conversation, we can prepare ourselves for what will happen and what problems might surface. When we get surprised by a conflict situation, our adrenal glands generally flood our blood stream with adrenaline. Once under the control of this chemical substance, rational thought often eludes us.

     If I want to “practice what I preach” about conflict resolution, I have to constantly look for ways to improve my responses. I find that simple acronyms help me when the pressure hits and I don’t have time to really think about a situation. Preloading my mind with a four or five word model that triggers automatically keeps me more in control of my words, tone, and actions in those moments when I am hungry, angry, tired, or surprised by events.

     I have developed a four letter acronym based on the word SOLD to help me in unanticipated conflict situations. There are no new concepts in this acronym. It just helps me to remember key concepts when my emotions flare. It goes like this: