Posts Tagged ‘resolving conflict’

As I was reading through some other blogs this week, I found this post on Empathy, Apology and Forgiveness by Arnold Zeman at Dialogic Mediation Services.

Once again the power of apology surfaces in the context of resolving conflict. I really liked this post because it derives from research and not just from a single person’s opinions.

The full citation for both the underlying research and the chain of reporting is in the post at Dialogic Mediation services.

As Arnold Zeman reports in his post, the key learning point of the research is:

Empathy must be experienced by, and communicated by, both parties to the conflict, not simply one or the other. In other words, to be effective in resolving conflict, apology and forgiveness are best viewed as interactive processes, not simply one-sided speech events.

In the context of workplace conflict, here’s the bottom-line: for an apology to have any significant impact on the situation, you need to allow some processing time for both parties to realize (preferrably on their own) that they both contributed to the conflict.

I seldom see conflicts where one party is clearly wrong and the other party is totally “right.” I’m sure that it happens from time-to-time but not very frequently.

When you find yourself in a conflict, you should offer a well intentioned apology. You should also give the other person time to reflect on the situation before you “force” them to accept it. It seems that the reflection time is critical for the development of “mutual empathy.”

Thought for Thursday: Be willing to apologize for your contribution and then give people time to reflect.

Poor communication often precedes conflict escalation. If you want to become a master at resolving conflict so that you can move past the conflict to productivity, improving your communication skills can really make a difference.

As I was doing some research today, I found two fairly complete lists of communication skills articles. Here they are:

• http://www.inc.com/guides/growth/23032.html
• http://www.mindtools.com/page8.html

Read, enjoy and learn. Both of these lists have some really good suggestions.

Monday Momentum Message: Work to Improve Your Communication Skills

• miss important information in the other person’s perspective
• push for my perspective rather than listen to the other person
• focus my thinking on a single solution rather than consider alternative solutions
• ignore the other person’s thoughts and feelings

      In short, when I rush, I get selfish.

      When I slow down, I:

• learn from the other person
• listen better
• open my mind to multiple solution paths
• remain sensitive to the other person

      Even though the first approach tends to have a faster conversational pace and often feels faster in the moment, it actually slows us down because it creates new conflicts and side issues that drag out the conversation or hurt our future interactions. Going fast in conflict resolution is actually slow.

      The second approach feels slow because it involves periods of silence, reflection, and carefully crafted conversation. However, it creates an environment where both parties really understand each other. Slowing down heads off future misunderstandings and conflicts. Going slow in the moment is fast in the long run.

      To remember how to slow down in the moment, I focus on giving a SOLID response:

• Stop
• Observe
• Listen
• Interpret
• Deliver

     Studies of workplace behaviors reveal some startling statistics with regard to the impact that conflict has on business performance. One study indicates that two out of three employee performance problems can be traced to unresolved interpersonal conflicts. Another study estimates that the average manager spends something like forty percent of their time addressing workplace conflicts.
     These studies show that companies waste an amazing amount of time because of conflicts between employees. This wasted time translates to lost opportunity, lost productivity, and lost profits. By working to reduce workplace conflicts to the lowest possible level, business leaders can make immediate strides towards improving overall performance and results.

     Here are four specific things that leaders can do to reduce team conflicts:

1. Remove resource constraints

In a quick web search using the term “conflict over resource constraints,” I received nearly 300,000 results. As I looked at page after page, I saw everything from legal disputes over water rights to wars over contested mineral rights. On a global scale, people have always, and still do, argue and fight when they perceive resource limitations.

Is the same true on a smaller scale workplace scenario? I think it is. I have seen conflicts over staplers, copier use, computer access, and room temperature. While some of these issues seem minor, consider the implications. People arguing over access to a computer are not working. Two people engaged in a 15 minute discussion about getting the use of resources critical for their job performance just wasted 30 minutes between them. Multiply that waste over several weeks or months, and the impact on productivity and profits completely overwhelms the cost of a new computer.

When people sense that they do not have the right resources to do their job, they will either stop working or fight with each other. Both results hurt the business.

2. Teach and encourage better communication skills

Helping people to develop better communication skills can make your business more profitable as your employees learn to express their thoughts and feelings in ways that resolve conflicts rather than escalate them.

3. Teach conflict resolution skills

4. Get rid of team members who refuse to cooperate

While I prefer to focus on removing the environmental causes of conflict and helping people develop the skills necessary to head it off or resolve it, I also recognize that sometimes people simply do not have the desire to develop these skills. In these cases, they become a burden to the team, and leaders must relieve their team’s burdens in order for the team to move forward productively. As I learned in the Navy, getting rid of an anchor is often more effective than putting more power into the engine.

     In these troubled economic times, I know of few businesses that can afford to allow the time wasted on conflict to continue unabated. To survive and thrive in today’s high stress business environment, I encourage you to take the steps necessary to implement the. . .

    Four Things Leaders Can Do To Reduce Team Conflicts.

     
     Guy Harris, The Recovering Engineer

     According to research cited by Daniel Goleman in a video recorded at a TED conference last year, humans have a natural bent towards compassion. 
 
     Reflecting on this video, Tammy Lenski over at Conflict Zen says:

This post has been moved here.

In my previous post, I provided a link to a really funny video by Bill Harley. I recommend you watch it before reading this post for two reasons: